I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
