if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
