ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
