Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
