Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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