There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
