I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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