yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
