nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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