I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
