Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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