when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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