I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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