i think i have two assholes
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
