ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
