So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
