I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
