regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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