if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
