At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
