i think my mom watched the whole time
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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