Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
