if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
