i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
