I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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