Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
