I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
