And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
