I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
