Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
