It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
