it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
