omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
