toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You're so nebulous sometimes
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
