So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
