At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
