dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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