you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
