dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize