well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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