I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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