She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
