i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
