He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
