he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
