who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think my vagina is haunted
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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