I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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