I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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