all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
