You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
im holly from the hills drunk
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
