You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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