I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
