he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
