I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
