i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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