You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
