If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
