Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
