I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
