he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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