you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
