so that wasnt chicken after all
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
