She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
