i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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