everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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