i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
there is glitter all over my balls
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