the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
