You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Randomize
