if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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