How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
