Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
