look no pants
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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