Moan for me like Helen Keller
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
