Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Randomize
