call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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