you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
