If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
