we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize