There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
